I always knew I didn’t want to be a stay at home mom, but I never fully realized what life as a working mother would be like. I’m not sure why, but I had these visions of plenty of time with my daughter. Leisurely dinners after work, a little reading, maybe an occasional family movie night, getting organized for the next day, and kissing each other good night.
Instead it is a mad dash from daycare to the house with wailing coming from the back seat most nights. Letting her nibble on Pirates Booty while I scramble to get dinner together. Then a twenty minute meal (sometimes taken standing at the counter). From there it is about a half hour of pure chaos or coma. My husband and I are toast from a long day at work. I hate to just turn on the TV and have Olivia sit there, but that, sadly, is where we often end up at the end of the day. If the TV isn’t on we have to do something to keep her busy which isn’t always the easiest at this stage since she isn’t old enough for games and doesn’t quite play pretend yet.
So after fumbling around with plastic rings or her new circus tent it is off to bed or bath. Either way it ends with the same couple of bedtime stories and tucking her in to bed. Then it is tiptoeing out of the room hoping we won’t be back in fifteen minutes to pick up a screaming child.
If she stays down it is time to crash for a little bit on the couch to catch up on shows while doing work or school work. Of course, it is usually at this point I realize I still haven’t gotten organized for the next day so before finally heading to bed I make a clumsy attempt at preparing snacks and lunch for the next day so I can spend my morning working out.
So the battle of momma bear and professional goliath continues with no end of the war in sight. I had heard of mommy bashing online and have seen quite a few examples of it recently. However, I have come to realize it all starts within. It comes from my insecurity (and I’m guessing the writer’s) that I’m not a good mother. If I didn’t doubt myself I wouldn’t recognize the mommy bashing posts as anything other than annoying chatter.
So you know what? My daughter has seen almost all of the Disney movies before the age of two. I am a little harried most of the time and definitely look like I could use a daily nap time. But my daughter is loved, healthy, and will know that it is normal and okay to feel conflicted about things. What matters is that I recognize that I can be many things in my life and as long as I enjoy the majority of my days in this world I’ve done pretty good and so will she.
And if all else fails I watch this . . .